BLOG PARTY

Race for the prize

2012-01-13T15:23:00.003Z

You may be aware that for the last couple of years a few of us have had a 'Death Race' game on the go (I invited 2011 entrants here). The 2011 game is of course over now, it being 2012 and all, and for months I've been planning to make a prize for the winner. While my trophy concept remains in my head only (basically an Action Man in a black cowl, holding a scythe and glued to a base) I have this week devoted my efforts to a more subtle method of honouring the winner. I recently made the extremely useful purchase of a badge maker so that I could make this:

Check out the craftsmanship on that!

Pretty impressive, I'm sure you'll agree. Hats in the 'off' position then, to two-time champion and disturbingly accurate death predictor, Stephen Willis! Expect him to be proudly showing the badge from his lapel next time you see him in Tesco.

Just another prick on the wall

2011-12-12T11:54:00.003Z

The culmination of another X-Factor is all very well, but what everyone's really talking about this morning is who will win the Only Connect Wall Night special this evening. Go knitters!

Let me take my chances on the wall of death

2011-11-30T12:59:00.005Z

Yo! People who like seeing me failing to do 'banter' on the telly, rejoice! I'll be doing it again in a week or so.

In the meantime, here's an exclusive backstage snap from filming. Can you guess what show it is?

From the Ritz to the Rubber room: No idea why it was called that

Something spooky going down now

2011-10-31T15:44:00.002Z

Here's the window of a pub in Ashton. 'Murder' and 'Kill' written in blood are probably related to Halloween, but having been in a few pubs around there, it's safest not to make assumptions.

See you there!

Q. When does a flower look like a vampire bat?

2011-09-30T13:44:00.003Z

A. When it's one of these.

Anyone know what this is?

Will I ever do an entry longer than a few lines ever again?

POP QUIZ!

2011-08-03T13:27:00.003Z

Q. What are the two best records with falcons on the cover?

A:

Wilco - Sky Blue Sky

If you know of any better, leave a comment...

Home on the Range

2011-07-29T11:47:00.005Z

Fan of Spot the Ball? Got an expert knowledge of South Manchester suburbs? Then this is the game for you!

Mark your entry on the gameboard below & post them to the usual address. The closest entry to the centre of Whalley Range might win a prize*

*Or they might not. The judge's decision is final. No correspondence will be entered into. Your home may be at risk.
** With apologies to Martin Handford.

Oll right!

2011-06-30T14:45:00.003Z

Was alerted to this earlier today and have practically had it on repeat ever since. Amazing:

And it made me think of this, which is wonderful:

Looking back is for the birds

2011-05-20T21:15:00.001Z

Last time I updated this (May 5) we had eight eggs. No more were laid, and after a week or so of incubating we started to get some chicks:

It was probably never likely that all eight would hatch and grow. Indeed, two never made it (not sure if they never hatched or died soon after) but the remaining six are doing well and growing rapidly:

And I did have a nice video clip of them all cheeping away but I'm having difficulty getting it to load :(

Bird news

2011-05-05T09:01:00.000Z

No photos, but EIGHT eggs

Box Car Willis

2011-04-27T10:39:00.004Z

Big developments in the box in the last 10 days! We'd not checked it for a week and a quick peep on Good Friday revealed that the floor had been covered by a layer of feathers and moss. Later that day, an egg appeared! Over the weekend more and more were laid and here's the scene from yesterday evening (Tuesday 26th):

So definitely 5 and probably 6.

I'm not sure how my nerves will cope - I'm now having to do daily checks in the evening to make sure that the parent bird (I assume it's the mum) is safely tucked up for the night.

* Not sure how many box/egg puns I'll be able to squeeze out in the forthcoming days/weeks, but I'll be giving it my best shot

Box of delights

2011-04-11T15:39:00.007Z

I've no doubt that regular readers, particularly Gaz, will have been wondering about the latest news from our bird box. After this post a couple of months back, we had high hopes for some nesting action. It turned out that the batteries on the camera drained faster than a broken bath which meant we had no signal for a while, but we're now plugged in and back in action.

So what's happening in there? We're not sure, is the honest answer. A pair of blue tits can regularly be seen flying in and out, and once in there they do lots of pecking at the entrance hole and scrabbling about.

But there's no sign of any actual nest material yet, let alone eggs.

"Oi! Quit spying on me!"

There's another two nest boxes elsewhere in the garden and they keep flying into those too. It was always a gamble choosing where to put the camera and it could be that there is far more of interest going on in one of the others.

Music Diary Project pt2

2011-04-11T14:39:00.003Z

...continued from yesterday, this is my contribution to the Music Diary Project.

Friday
I'm woken by the sounds of British Sea Power - the favourite band of the mate I'm staying in London with. BSP are a band that I've always liked whenever I've heard them by accident but I've never made much of an effort to listen to them properly. Something I really ought to remedy.

Today I'm going to Southend, the last leg of my week's jaunts. The weather is fantastic again but I'm not feeling particulary sunny: a bit nauseous thanks to the previous night's gathering in the pub of old Uni mates. It doesn't help that I'm carting my massive, heavy bag around again as I'm heading back to Manchester later.

Completing this log has made me realise that I would likely use my ipod a lot less if I wasn't so easily irritated - I tend to use it to drown out other noises, be it incessant sniffing, phone conversations, or the tish-tish of music leached from poor-quality earphones. So on the train I switch on the ipod with no prior thoughts about what to listen to. The screen opens on the Lightning Seeds and I then recall a conversation from the night before about them. I was looking to see what I had on there (Jollification and Dizzy Heights; I ought to put Pure and Sense on, or at least some of the tracks anyway). But Jollification is always a pleasure to hear and suits the weather so on it goes. I've never taken this train route before and spend a lot of time looking out of the window. Purfleet - isn't that where the Sky darts takes place? Rainham Marshes - manage to spot a couple of swans and a magpie as we zip past. Time for a look at the crossword...rubbish, my head is clearly not up to the task right now. BSP pop back into my head as I realise we're near Canvey Island ("H5N1, killed a wild swan...").

Mid-afternoon, on the train back to London. Listen to 'Mines' by Menomena and attempt the crossword again now that my head is a bit clearer. Do slightly better. I'm taking a different route back, passing through Billericay this time, which leads to thinking about Ian Dury.

Finally on the train back to Manchester and looking forward to a couple of days that won't involve rail travel. I flick through the ipod while dozing off, listening to bits of 'Lustre' by Ed Harcourt, 'Origin:Orphan' by the Hidden Cameras, and 'Pause' by Four Tet. Nearing home and being back in the north-west I feel I should listen to some Elbow and choose 'Station Approach', followed by some Doves (Kingdom of rust, 10:03, Black & White town).

Saturday
I don't recall listening to anything during the day, but I hear snippets of LOTS of songs in the evening when Claire and I see the hugely talented and very funny Frisky & Mannish. Their Eurorave version of 'Creep' is genius. Whenever I try and describe them to others it just sounds crap, so I won't bother and will just include a clip:

Sunday
Having done no exercise for a fortnight and with the Manchester 10k now only weeks away, I drag myself out for a run on Sunday morning. On previous runs I've flipped between listening to things like the Prodigy or the Wu-Tang Clan, to a documentary about Bob Monkhouse or a few instalments of the History of the World in 100 objects. Today I remember that I've not finished the Ken Bruce/Rob Brydon show from April 1st so continue with that.

I finally get the chance to write all of this up Sunday evening and listen to a mixture of Gruff Rhys, Leaves, Eels and Beck while I do so.

Music Diary Project

2011-04-10T13:30:00.011Z

I've been away for most of the last ten days, mainly for work reasons, visiting such exotic places as Great Yarmouth, Didcot (low-flying red kites and a big power station on the edge of town that a friend accurately described as looking like the nuclear plant in The Simpsons), Bromley, Woking and Southend. During this time I've had limited access to a computer and the internet, which has meant that my involvement with Nick Southall's Music Diary Project has been reduced to scrawled jottings on bits of paper carried around in my bag (attempting to write anything more than a couple of sentences using my phone would have been a hellish experience).

So here's my listening experiences from the last seven days...

Monday
I'm on my travels with work this week and spend much of the morning working out what I'll be needing and packing my bag (I'm forever attempting to carry too much, and doubtless doing untold damage to my joints). Earlier, I remembered hearing that The Music are splitting up (and the Bluetones too! A seismic few days indeed) and decided to listen to some of theirs while packing: Take the long road and walk it, The dance, Float, Getaway (never liked the slower ones so skipped them). I have fond memories of The Music: I was at Uni in Leeds at the time they were starting out and saw them several times in small venues, including what must have been an important early show full of industry bods. I can't remember exactly why I was there - it wasn't to see the band as I'd not heard of them at that point. Tony Wilson signed my ticket (still got it somewhere, if I remember rightly he wrote "THE MUSIC = THE BEST") and I also spoke with some members of Embrace who I think said they were there as they shared a manager with The Music. I dragged my dad to see them in Manchester not long after as I thought they were great. He wasn't impressed though. I enjoyed listening to these tracks again, particularly 'Take the long road and walk it', which I remember Steve Lamacq playing on the Evening Session for the first time. Brought back many memories of University days. Also, you'd have to look bloody carefully, but I'm somewhere in the video for 'The People' - they put on a free gig in the Dark Arches in Leeds which was filmed for the video. Insider exclusive: at the end they reshot some staged crowdsurfing footage and we had to pretend that the band were still playing.

I spend much of the day either on a train or waiting for one. In doing so, I listen to a couple of radio shows downloaded from the last few days. First, Adam and Joe's show from Saturday. Great to have them back. I listen in bursts, as I also do some reading while on the train and this would be too distracting to have on at the same time. Of the show, I particularly enjoyed hearing 'I come from another planet, baby', by Julian Cope (I do like his pronunciation of 'baby' in the chorus). Of the stuff that I hadn't heard before, I liked something from a Warp remix album, a track by Everything Everything (that I initially guessed might be new TV on the Radio) and a soundtrack piece by Ennio Morricone. The second show I listen to is Ken Bruce's from April 1st. Or more accurately, Rob Brydon impersonating Ken Bruce. I'd heard about the show after the event so didn't have any of the bewilderment that usual listeners probably had, but it was funny nonetheless.

Arriving in Didcot, I need to find somewhere to go for tea. I choose the least-rough looking pub. Music is on in while I'm in there but most of it passes me by. The first to catch my attention is what I assume is the new single by Noah and the Whale. My wife had told me a couple of days earlier that she doesn't like the spelling in the chorus so I know it must be this once they launch into L.I.F.E.G.... or whatever it is. Sounds pleasant enough, and a million times better than '5 years time'. Queen's 'Another one bites the dust' and then La Bamba follow.

Back in my B&B (flimsy definition that...the second 'B' consists of a couple of boxes of cereal (open), 2 scones wrapped in cling film and a box of teabags), I do some reading for work. I usually turn to instrumental soundtrack pieces for this as I like having music on in the background but anything with lyrics tends to be too distracting. So I turn to a couple of regular choices: the soundtracks from Fargo and Barton Fink by Carter Burwell (same album) and follow up with The Man who wasn't there.

Tuesday
I didn't listen to anything today until getting the train from Oxford - London late-afternoon. This is unusual for me as I usually have music on at every opportunity. I wonder if the act of logging my listening like this made me too self-conscious and prevented me from picking anything. Still, I get to hear chiffchaffs as I walk through Didcot in the morning.

On the train I'm reading some of the ton of newspaper that I regularly cart around with me (and leave piled around the house, to the endless exasperation of my wife). I go for more instrumental music - something to drown out the noise from other passengers, but nothing too distracting. I go for the two albums by Diskjokke: En fin tid, and Staying in. These see me through my tube journey from Paddington to New Cross.

Wednesday
It's a gorgeous day in South London and for my journey to Bromley I want to enjoy some sunny pop to match the weather. I go for Camera Obscura's 'My maudlin career' but after listening to French Navy, The sweetest thing, and Honey in the sun, I remember that much of the album isn't actually very upbeat. Perhaps distracted by scrolling my ipod, I realise with horror that I'm marooned on the SE rail network and heading in the wrong direction. Listening to music and not paying attention to station/train annoucements probably didn't help.

After doing what's needed at Bromley, I'm at Catford Bridge rail station thinking about what to listen to next. It's indirectly through Embrace that I'm doing this log and I figure that I ought to play something of theirs. The weather's beautiful so, 'A Glorious day' it is. I follow this with 'Lucky Shiner' by Gold Panda. Back in New Cross, I find a lovely cafe for lunch . There's music on while I eat, but the only thing that really grabs me is Johnny Cash's cover of 'Bridge over troubled water'. At one point I'm not sure whether a harmony is a backing vocal on the song or someone singing along in the cafe.

With work done by mid-afternoon I head to the cinema. It feels slightly wrong even contemplating sitting in a dark room on a day like this but I want to see Source Code and am not sure when I'll get the opportunity otherwise. I listen to some Grandaddy en route (Skateboarding saves me twice, Summer here kids, AM180). Hearing their first album always reminds me of a trip to Amsterdam c.1999 where I bought the CD [would have been cheaper to head into Manchester, arf!]. I've always thought that the face on the cover looks like a young Gruff Rhys.
At the same time I bought 'Return of the Rentals' by The Rentals, but that gets far fewer airings - aside from one track ('The love I'm searching for'), I'm not sure I've listened to the album beyond its first play. I heart Grandaddy. They've got beautiful tunes but if I'm feeling melancholy they're likely to tip me over the edge. I don't know if it's Jason Lytle's voice, words, or the music but there's something heartbreaking about many of their songs. Our trashing of the natural world, and a constant sense that things will break down and collapse, be it emotional relationships, or your new computer. Or losing your cat. The one about the band breaking up ('This is how it always starts') is devastating. That said, there's usually a grain of optimism present too: "I may be limping, but I'm coming home". I remember once reading an interview with Hope of the States where the singer was talking about their music being 'sad, but hopeful'. This applies far more to Grandaddy I'd say. Anyway, after all this pondering of melancholic tunes it's time for something more cheery, so I go for some Hal.

On leaving the cinema (Source Code, excellent), I put on Clint Mansell's music from Moon, the previous film by Duncan Jones (son of... etc etc). Things got a bit mindbending when I got outside. I checked Twitter and see that Nick (whose idea was this Diary Project) is in Covent Garden looking for a record shop. I tweet back that there's Fopp on Earlham St and as I'm at Leicester Square I deicde to heard that way and perhaps say hello if I spot him. A few minutes later, I'm in Fopp, with the theme from a sci-fi film in my ears, scanning the faces of customers and regularly refreshing Twitter. Having a few minutes earlier been engrossed in a film that involved looking carefully at a crowd of strangers, I'm finding this a little weird. There's no sign of Nick and I have to get back to New Cross to meet friends so I head off. The experience brings to mind the time that I saw Memento and came home to find my housemates had replaced the curtains in teh front room while I was out. I was stood, bewildered, outside the house, my mind already scrambled by the memory and time flipping film and now totally baffled: the front window didn't look like that when I left. Is this my house?

On the train I fancy hearing something a bit spacey/sci-fi, and go for some Ladytron. 'Deep blue' does the trick, followed by 'Ghosts'. Uh-oh. Another train screw-up. And a biggy this time - I'm on the way to Rochester. If I've learned anything today then it's surely not to listen to music when on unfamiliar train routes. I go for some Michael Nyman to relax me on the ensuing pointless two-hour round trip...

Thursday
I start the day with a song by Electronic in my head. This is due to seeing some post addressed to 'Wing Sin' on the way out of the building. Immediately, I start humming "I don't know where to begin, living Wing Sin....". It's another scorcher outside so I put 'Summer in the City' by the Lovin' Spoonful on.

I'm doing more train travelling today (no more mistakes, please!) and flick around the ipod while on the tube. 'That's how I got to Memphis', by Mt. Analog & Karl Blau. This song reminds me of Danny Baker (get well soon) as I heard it through his radio show. It's similar to Grandaddy I think, in the sense of sadness that pervades it. I don't know enough about music to say whether it is a particular key or whatever. And that just reminds me of Spinal Tap and Nigel Tufnell demonstrating the saddest chord.

Someone on the train to Woking is sniffing. A lot. So in go the earphones again, this time 'Big echo' by the Morning Benders. Which is a terrible name for a band. I see on Twitter later that Right Said Fred were on Daybreak earlier, which inspires a burst of their stone-cold, pop classic debut 'Up'.

While doing some work later I put on the Sea of Bees album. I bought this after reading reviews that mentioned a track called 'Willis'. That alone was enough to make me buy it. Alongside the album 'Come get some' by Willis, that's the sum total of my Willis music playlist. Please let me know if I'm missing anything else.

And I'll have to write up the rest of this tomorrow.

I'll Double Dare it back

2011-03-24T10:59:00.002Z

Anyone else ever wonder what happened to Peter Simon?

Comedy fall guy to Shane Richie's straight man on Run the Risk, he was evidently so attached to the gunge that he regularly fell into that he now carries some around with him in his role on Bid TV:

I'm also fairly sure that I once saw him 'perform' as Ronald McDonald at half-time of a Man City game in the mid-90s.

The reward is my Shephard, I shall not want

2011-02-24T09:49:00.005Z

Can anyone top this for a less inspiring "prize"?

'Ray of sunshine'? It would put me right off my Smacks

Having said that, it might be fun to discuss shared interests in actors and films. Perhaps, to take an example entirely at random, we could discuss the masterly qualities of Forest Whitaker and how he does that thing with his eye*

* I once saw Mr Shephard actually ask James McAvoy this question while promoting The Last King of Scotland

Tae Kwon Doh!

2011-02-23T15:37:00.008Z

Had to read this a couple of times before I realised that 'Pan To' was not another form of martial art.

He's behind you! (and about to break your back with a flying kick)

Bipping off my bosh 'til my pips mosh

2011-02-22T09:43:00.006Z

"Open wide and say urghhhhh...."

I'm all for nice graphic design and doing everything possible to make a course as attractive as possible. Plus I like passion fruits. Really, I'm a fan. But this is disgusting. It looks like an eel with an oral yeast infection. Or the aftermath in Billy's bedroom when the Gremlins hatch.

Livin' in a box

2011-02-12T20:57:00.002Z

On Saturday we got very excited by this appearing on our TV screen:

Can you guess what it is?

It's the first fruits of my Christmas present: a wireless bird box camera! After hours of fiddling about drilling holes in the box, crafting waterproof storage for the battery pack, attaching this pack to the tree, improvising a wedge from newspaper to ensure the camera points the right way etc etc, we finally got the box up and connected at 5pm on Saturday. We then tried the TV to check that the signal was working. And success! A blue tit (honest, that blob at the bottom is a blue tit) had immediately nipped in and was settling down for the evening. I know the focus isn't great, but that's my fault and not that of the equipment (in taking the lens cap off I knocked it but didn't realise until we switched the TV on).

Excitment was tempered somewhat on Sunday: the signal went and we couldn't see anything on screen. Whether that is due to the constant rain affecting things, or a problem with the battery connection I don't know. We're planning to ditch the battery pack and string a cable across the garden to a plug but that will have to wait for the timebeing. All being well though we'll be back streaming soon and *hopefully* some nest-building and bird family action: I look forward to Springwatch from my very own sofa. CP can be Kate Humble but the annoying one with too many glasses and a braying laugh is not welcome.

On her Majesty's secret service

2011-01-31T16:39:00.004Z

Very sad to learn of the passing of John Barry this morning. Perfect time to play some of his music, and remember the hugely enjoyable evening spent listening to it as part of Jarvis Cocker's Meltdown in 2007.

Here's some of what I wrote then:

Tonight I shall be attending this, and I am very excited indeed. I've been a big fan of John Barry's music since being introduced to Bond films as a kid and my interest has grown from there. Those lucky enough to be in attendance at the first (and likely only) Tombola DJ set will, I'm sure, have fond recollections of hearing the Moonraker theme (end title). Not too sure how much involvement Brer Barry had with the discofying of that version but it's on his Moonraker soundtrack so it's good enough for me. Also on that album is the track, 'Bond Smells A Rat', which is one of the best titles in my collection.

As if I couldn't be excited enough already, the adrenaline levels will only be increased further by the involvement of John Barry Bingo.

***

It was amazing. The only minor downer was that I'd convinced myself that Shirley Bassey would make a special guest appearance to sing Goldfinger and sadly that wasn't to be. That aside, it was class. I thought I might actually explode during the Bond medley at the end.

Here's a very ropey pic of the master getting a standing ovation:

Tombolablog salutes you!

Danger Mouse

2011-01-18T19:13:00.003Z

I know that times are hard, austerity Britain etc. etc., but B&Q's new pest control range seems a little too basic to me.

Anyone else play 'Splat the rat' at school summer fairs?

Still, I guess it's good for the environment - no poison lying about etc. Looks a bit messy though. Should at least come with a mop. I could have done with one of these in Brixton when I was using discarded masonry to smash in unfortunate rodents. That experience may never leave me :(

Going back to Houston, to get me some pants

2010-12-23T11:13:00.003Z

Just spotted a very improbable musical parallel. Anyone else see a similarity between the opening 10 seconds or so of these unlikely bedfellows?

Perhaps I'm on my own with that one. Happy Christmas!

I don't think Biddy Baxter would approve

2010-12-22T12:41:00.002Z

Found crumpled in the wastebin at White City*:

"Get a cat"? Don't they already have one?

A crueller person than I who watched during the 1980s might add 'Bring Joey Deacon back'.

* not really. Think I picked this up on the street on the way home.

You're a bum, you're a punk, you're an old slut on junk

2010-12-22T12:35:00.004Z

I refuse to switch off the life support on Blog Party (there's life in the old blog yet) and continue to keep things ticking over for the time being with a drip feed of little morsels.

Like this photo from Kuala Lumpur (no time like the present eh? I only took it in April 2009!). Can't see this clothing brand ever achieving global success:

Apparently they do a fine line in knickers and gruds

Death Race 2011

2010-11-30T14:12:00.003Z

Some of you will be aware of this, others may not. If you fancy getting involved, drop me a line; if you're appalled at the very thought, well, best look away.

With one month to go in the current round, it's time to get ready for the 2011 game. For those who are new to this, here's how it works:

- Pick 10 people who you predict will die between Jan 1 and Dec 31 2011. Male, female, young or old, they just need to be in the public eye (so you can't pick the old geezer who lives down the road. Unless that happens to be, say, George Cole from off of Minder)

- You'll then score points for every correct prediction. It's 100 points MINUS their age. So Bernard Matthews (80) would have got you 100-80 = 20 points; John from Jedward would score 100-19 = 81 points. Anyone aged 100 or older gets you 1 point.

- The player with the most points as at midnight 31.12.11 is the winner.

- When you've decided on your squad, send your list to me by Dec 31 2010. I'll collate them and then distribute to the other players once we're underway.

- After a bit of arguing this year, there are no restrictions on picking people with terminal illnesses/prolonged vegetative states etc. Although having been asked by one imaginative player, there is one restriction: you can't pick anyone who is on Death Row/condemned to death by stoning etc etc.

- No cost to enter. As a result there's no great prize, but I am working on something special.

- And don't feel you need to leave it til the last minute. Get your lists in as soon as you like and if one of them kicks it before the end of this year you can of course replace them.

Remember - I must have your lists by Dec 31st!

Pip pip!

You can't be too careful

2010-10-26T15:14:00.004Z

Sign o' the times unfortunately

Laureatta Lynn

2010-09-21T11:07:00.001Z

Today we think of David Cameron,
For alas, his father is gone.
I wonder how it feels,
To be born with no heels,
And be continually looked down upon.

They don't mackem like they used to!

2010-08-12T12:47:00.001Z

The rumours are true..... we ARE sponsoring Sunderland this season!

It's good to talk (on the bog)

2010-08-05T14:25:00.006Z

I was disappointed to see such limited options in that vote currently open on the BT website (don't forget to vote, imaginary family fans!). At the very least, I'd have liked to have seen the following available to us viewers eagerly awaiting the next development of the story:

Not sure how they'd crowbar some phone references into #3... though I'd like to see them try.

Modern life is rubbish

2010-07-30T09:41:00.004Z

Sainsbury's, Leeds, 29.7.10

You wouldn't get that at your local high-street baker's would you? Oh hang on, they're all shut because everyone goes to the supermarket. Alanis Morrisette should write a song about situations like that.

Also this reminded me of the time I got fired from the butchers for sticking my johnson in the bacon slicer. What happened to the bacon slicer? She got fired too.

Points make prizes

2010-07-08T13:10:00.004Z

The 'big year' is a term used in the birding community to refer to an attempt to see as many different species as possible within that year. Turns out it's also a film due 2011, starring Tombolablog favourite Rosamund Pike and rather less promisingly, Jack Black. I've been meaning to blog about this for months now, and still haven't properly got around to it. But I have been able to bash out a simpler, sort of related one. Hurrah! And here it is.

Over roughly the same period [that I could have done a Big Year - bird tally, not film], we stacked up an impressive tally on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. There are plenty of academic papers about this, but I'm using Claire Rayner's Marriage Guide as my source text. As indeed I have almost daily since purchasing it a couple of years ago.

No longer appears to be in print, so check out those charity shops!

I'll let Ms. Rayner explain:

"In 1968 American researchers devised a system for assessing stress effects of life events and their effects on health. They gave numerical values to various experiences and found that a total of 300 points or more in any one year gave people an 80% chance falling ill; a score of between 150 and 300 gave a 50% chance of illness."

Between Jan 2009 and Jan 2010, we've notched up several of those on the list. Let's do some totting:

Marriage: 50 points
Change to different kind of work: 36 points
Change in living arrangements with spouse/partner: 35 points
Taking on a large mortgage: 31 points
Change in residence: 20 points
Change in social activity: 18 points
Change in number of family reunions: 15 points
Vacation: 13 points
Christmas: 12 points

Total: 230 points. Eek!

Taking the pith

2010-07-02T12:51:00.004Z

Unusual sighting at Leeds rail station yesterday morning: two people wearing pith helmets. They were both dressed in what can perhaps best be described as 'colonial chic'. Just needed a blunderbuss and perhaps a massive butterfly net and they'd be set (it reminded me of something from Tintin au Congo). Presumably they were heading for the airport and exotic holidays, rather than the mean streets of Kippax.

The sound of one hand clapping

2010-06-14T09:33:00.004Z

I tweeted something on Saturday (that's right haters, I've succumbed. Deal with it.) and fully anticipated that it would become a sensation, zoom around the world, and by this morning I would be in the Metro, with Stephen Fry praising my wit.

No, Akira said it was horrendous and that was that.

But I'm proud of it, so here it is again (slightly revised) for posterity!

Sorry to see that Star Wars again missed out of the Queen's Birthday honours list.
How much longer must we wait for Obi-Wan Kenobi OBE?

HOOPOE!

2010-06-08T20:32:00.003Z

I see you baby, shaking that brass

2010-05-28T11:17:00.002Z

One of the highlights of the Tombola year this evening: the Whit Friday brass band contest. We'll be listening carefully for unusual covers. I predict a few airings of 'Three Lions', and in previous years we've spotted 'Simply the best', 'Let me entertain you', and my personal favourite, 'Sexbomb'.

I live in hope of hearing this though:

but has he read the tiny text that said to disconnect?

2010-05-28T11:01:00.006Z

As promised, I've had a trawl through the Tombola television archives for some previously unseen snaps:

I don't understand how a heart is a spade, but somehow the vital connection is made

2010-05-26T13:25:00.003Z

Just had a call from the team behind popular, seemingly never-ending BBC4 brainiac quiz, 'Only Connect'. The first series is being aired again from next Monday (31st May) and they wanted to check that there was no reason why our team couldn't be shown again. None that I could think of, aside from an unwillingness on my part to relive the whole, humbling experience. Maybe this time we might win.

I'll try and dig out some exciting, backstage pics from the day.

Footballers not going to the World Cup joke #1

2010-05-12T15:11:00.002Z

What do you call a French footballer who is very itchy?

Karim Eczema

Church advertisement idea #1

2010-04-26T14:11:00.008Z

We're still awaiting the commission to do those witty ads outside of churches. But it's surely only a matter of time with gems like this:

30 century man

2010-04-12T19:54:00.004Z

Today's playlist: 30love

Octopus - If you want to give me more (really only for the first 10 seconds or so, but I must have played it on Apr 13 for the last 13 years now).
The Verve - A new decade

and definitely, categorically, nothing to do with the fucking muppets :(

Handy Meeples*

2010-04-06T15:41:00.004Z

Blues ponder their next move

A word in praise of the mighty game, Carcassone. We were given the starter pack + two expansions as a wedding present, and our initial bafflement rapidly gave way to joy and a creeping obsession, along with a desire to spread the word further. Chances are that if you've spent more than twenty minutes in mine or CP's company over the past twelve months then we'll have tried to tell you how amazing Carcassone is. There's a strong chance that we'll have whipped the board out and played you, or just gone ahead and given a pack to you as a gift.

Our pack recently accompanied us to Egypt where we could fit in a crafty game and dodge the wonky hotel evening entertainment. We've also found ourselves fitting smoothly into conversations in game shops and being referred to as 'gamers'. Still don't understand the Count expansion though.

Loads of stuff here: http://www.carcassonnecentral.com/

*Wasn't he the last person to interview John Lennon? [tenuous local DJ pun Ed.]

Until tomorrow Venn

2010-03-19T16:26:00.005Z

Something for the weekend: two snaps of graffiti, displaying varying levels of imagination...

Hey Dirty, Tombola got ya money

2010-03-03T19:07:00.006Z

Announcement:

"Attention penny pickers! Tombolablog is launching its own fiscal stimulus!
Over recent years I have developed a bit of a reputation for a nifty knack of spotting money on the street. And I'm not talking about the odd coin, I mean notes, and fairly regularly too. A clinical psychologist once told me that I must be depressed as I found cash as a result of looking down so much. That was during a social occasion and I wasn't paying for the consultation. There's actually a long-forgotten blog detailing my exploits in logging what I found over the course of a year*. So (and I'm sorry for putting this up 3 days late), I'll be totalling up any cash I find over the course of March. Quantitative easing of the pavement. My mum's doing the same and we'll see who has collected the most at the end of the month. And then buy a couple of packs of Space Raiders and a Freddo. If you too are happy to fish 2p coins out of dirty puddles by the side of the road then please join in!"

*I even had a grand plan to write to a paving firm to ask them what materials they use when paving the streets and I was going to link this to the old panto nugget that London is paved with gold etc. But that bastard Time Waster Letters has surely put paid to any innocent stunts like that. Pizza Express never wrote back neither.

Middle of Torode

2010-03-03T18:51:00.006Z

Never one to let go of an idea in spite of having already choked the life out of it, here is another exciting bingo game!

We're big fans of Masterchef here - I have to confess being practically moved to tears a couple of years ago when one guy made some amazing cakes and the mega, multi-Michelin-starred chefs all told him how great he was and he started crying. Amazing. It may not be possible to increase my enjoyment of the show any further, but I'm going to give it a bash. Here are our bingo cards, which we shall be using during one of this week's heats...

BINGO DOESN'T GET TOUGHER THAN THIS!

Famous jive

2010-02-23T15:44:00.005Z

Here's something interesting: I have busted some jive moves with the person responsible for exposing the MP's expenses scandal.

She was on the first jive course I did, back at South London Pacific, in April 2006. This was of course back in the days when our elected representatives and their families could merrily watch porn films, build home extensions, and make donations to charity (see #6) and then claim it all back while we were none the wiser. I've just reread the entries from the time and she wasn't the one with the cat ear headband.

A dramatisation of the whole story of it (the battle for access to expenses claims, not being whirled around the dancefloor by me) is on BBC4 tonight, as I type.

Pharoahe Bonk

2010-02-16T16:52:00.003Z

We recently had a very nice trip to Egypt and here, for your enjoyment, are some jokes that I made up while I was there. CP found them all, without fail, utterly hilarious:

What do you call Rolf Harris' gang that he has in Sudan?
Rolf's Khartoum Club

What do you say to someone who has fallen in the river and then claims that they don't need help?
He's in denial!

What do you call Rolf Harris' gang where he writes your name in hieroglyphics inside a sort of ovoid shaped outline?
Rolf's Cartouche Club

Did you hear about the dyslexic Council person who got in trouble for popping everyone's car tyres?
He installed cactis in the road [instead of cat's eyes]

What do you call Rolf Harris' gang for elk-like animals?
Rolf's Caribou Club

[please stop - Ed.]

Hanky pancake nohow

2010-02-16T10:14:00.002Z

Ok, so I put this up in 2008 - Tombolablog: now into our 4th year! Time really flies when you're writing sporadic rubbish - but it warrants a return.

Enjoy your pancakes readers!

Tuppence a bag

2010-01-29T12:22:00.002Z

It's the RSPB's Big Garden Birdwatch this weekend, so get those binoculars on standby. Here's what we spotted* in our garden in November**

* Not all of those sightings are considered reliable
** There are some shopping list items on there too

Two important questions about newsreaders

2009-12-22T09:33:00.002Z

1. Fenella Fudge, Ricky Salmon and Andrew Peach. What is it about Radio 2 newsreaders and food?

2. Is Matt Frei's nickname 'Arbeit'?

That is all.

Cloudy with a chance of olio bowlio

2009-12-11T11:58:00.006Z

Over the last twelve days (what was I thinking?!) I've provided a comprehensive selection of imaginative and exciting cheese recipes, sure to make any Christmas buffet the best ever. But all good things must come to an end. On the 12th day then, my true love gave to me....

I'm stumped. Any ideas?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Let the trumpets play and the heavens rejoice

2009-12-11T10:35:00.007Z

Ok ladies and gentlemen, it's the one you've been waiting for. It's not a myth, this really does exist. Enjoy.

Get into that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans!

Put a bit of pickle on it, father

2009-12-10T12:43:00.006Z

The kids are alright! Today, day 10 - oh man, only 2 left!, we present a selection of the finest cheese recipes for children. You get loads to go at today. I was particularly interested in the presentation and creativity on display here. Being geunine for a moment - some of the constructions are really quite impressive! Check out the bunk bed!

And here are Cheesy Fishing Smacks. A 'smack' of course being a boat, although I'd be intrigued (not to say revolted) by a recipe combining cheese and the popular Dig'Em frog-fronted breakfast cereal. Judging by some of the concoctions included in the book though, I wouldn't bet against someone having a bash at it.

Right, I'm off down to the cheese aisle at Morrisons....

Qwiz Qwiztofferson

2009-12-09T14:53:00.003Z

Good news earlier: recent trip to London wasn't a waste of time, been shortlisted and, if selected, filming takes place in January. Better get back practising on Sporcle. This and this are great and here's one that Munch should enjoy.

In the context of recent blogs, I ought to be having a bash at this.

Do you think the photographer said, 'Say cheese!'?

2009-12-09T11:48:00.005Z

HAHAHAHAHAHA

On the ninth day, I decided it was time to provide some background information about the book and its origins. The collection is the result of of a 'highly successful, nationwide' competition initiated by the English Country Cheese Council (don't bother googling, it sadly looks like they no longer exist), titled 'Making your mark with English cheese'. Imagine a pasteurised precursor to Britain's Got Talent.

Over 14,000 recipes (!) were submitted and judged by a panel including Mary Berry. The book contains a selection of the 200+ finest. According to the inside cover blurb, it 'will appeal to everyone who loves to cook or who needs new ideas for inventive and nourishing meals from cheese'. Safe to assume that 'Cheestrings' would not fall into this category.

And if your name and recipe featuring in the book was not enough, the prizewinners got to visit the House of Commons. Here they are doing just that:

Well done all. You'll see that the rosette logo indicates chapter winners. These included the Blue Stilton, Walnut & Grape Charlotte (best Starter) and 'Yellow Submarine' (best Children's Favourite, come back later in the week), as well as several ones that aren't funny.

And today's recipe? It sounds like the contents of my PE kit bag after being left in my locker for too long: Cheddar crusties!

What do you call someone else's cheese?

2009-12-08T10:17:00.008Z

Nacho cheese.

No recipe as such today (Day 8 of our 12 days of cheesemas), but instead a selection of handy tips and hints. It really is a wonderful book you know.

this next one would fit seamlessly into the 'Top Tips' section of Viz:

and finally a special festive suggestion. I've included the bottom of a recipe here too due to the wonderfully named sender:

Forever in blue cheese

2009-12-07T10:01:00.001Z

Because I can't stand blue cheese, today's recipe certainly would not be to my taste. That said, I think that I can see how to mouldy cheese fans this could work. It sounds like the ingredients go together far more winningly than, say, haddock, bananas and cheese. I could imagine these being the contents of a fancy vol-au-vent, perhaps at the Ambassador's reception, pre-Ferrero Rocher pyramid).

But. There's a problem: the accompanying photo (serving suggestion) does it no favours whatsoever. It looks revolting. And huge! Think of the whiff coming off of that after two hours sat in the corner of the church hall!

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.....a cheesy fish surprise

2009-12-04T16:31:00.004Z

Divorce proceedings were issued that afternoon

Whoaaaaaaaaaaa, cheesy mushrooms! Zero visibility. Cheesy mushrooms! Coming from the body heat

2009-12-04T16:21:00.005Z

At least I think that's how it goes.

[If we're not careful this could easily tip over into discussion of arse feta and helmet brie. And we certainly don't want that - Ed.]

Clumsy attempt to crowbar today's cheese recipe into an existing joke

2009-12-04T16:00:00.004Z

Twelve days of Cheesemas, Day 4:

'Hello Doctor, your nurse said it was urgent?'
'That's right Mr. Gurney. Please, take a seat. We have your test results back and I'm afraid that it's serious.'
'It's ok Doctor. Be honest with me. I need to hear the truth....why are you wearing a facemask?'
'You have a rare condition known as Cheddicks. I'm afraid that in your case it is a particularly virulent and contagious strain.'
'Oh God.....Is there anything that you can do?'
'Well, we're going to get you on a strict diet of Ryvita and lettuce.'
'Will that do any good?'
'I've no idea, but it's the only thing that will fit under the door.'

It ain't easy being cheesy

2009-12-03T12:05:00.005Z

Titles aside, some of the recipes included in Winning Ways with Cheese are really quite something. Today's recipe is particularly mindboggling. Unlike Aubergine Erotica (the title of a vegan porno?), the contents of the recipe are immediately obvious from its name. It's just that the contents would surely never be considered easy bedfellows.

I would LOVE to try this on Masterchef.
Gregg: So, Tombola, what makes you think you can win Masterchef?
Me: Well, Gregg, I feel I've got my own unique style and a real imagination for flavours.
Michel [quietly, to camera]: Haddock and almonds, ok. But bananas? He's going down like a ton of bricks!

Of all the recipes in the book, this is probably the one that intrigues me most. I'd be tempted to give it a whirl, only CP was almost sick at the description of it. Haddock. Almonds. Bananas. And of course cheese. It's like someone going berserk on Ready Steady Cook.

And here is how it should look:

Mmmmm!

Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em

2009-12-02T15:31:00.003Z

Ok, Aubergine Erotica is one thing, but let's cut to the quick: the bulk of the laughs from 'Winning Ways with Cheese' came from far more puerile recipe names. Such as this, the second in our festive selection (perhaps an eager reader might wish to create all of the 12, and put on a smashing buffet* over Christmas? It would look a bit like the Iceland advert currently starring Jason Donovan):

Quite apt for Christmas this one. After all, Chef's 'Chocolate Salty Balls' came very close to being a Christmas no. 1.

* Probably not a good idea for the lactose intolerant

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.....aubergine erotica

2009-12-01T12:24:00.013Z

I've recently alluded to receiving a briliant gift, so time to explain. During my time in sixth form, free periods would often be spent in the school library. Occasionally doing homework, but more often doing things like testing each other on the contents of the Top 10 of Everything (1995) (this included morbid gems like the Top 10 serial killers by numbers of confirmed victims), or daring each other to climb through the serving-hatch like hole in one of the walls between rooms without being spotted and thrown out by the Librarian. But when we weren't debating the position of ET in the Top 10 highest grossing films, we would be enjoying 'Winning Ways with Cheese'.

I don't know who discovered this magnificent tome, but it rapidly became the most sought-after book in the library. Well, among me and my mates anyway. Simply, it's a big book of cheese recipes. Not that exciting really, but when you're a 17 year old boy (or, for that matter, a 29 year old) then the book offers a vast expanse of hilarious potential. It was basically the names of some of the recipes that would set us off, and you can probably guess the kind of level of comedy that we're talking about. I'm amazed (and glad) that the book was never stolen from the Library. Many times it was deliberately hidden away in different sections only to be rediscovered weeks later and the enjoyment would begin all over again. Since leaving school I've banged on about this book on numerous occasions. Mere mention of the title alone will result in people who have never actually seen the book respond instantly with 'Olio Bowlio'!

Good friend Moon was recently over at ours and she's a big fan of cheese. Inevitably, I started talking about the book that had provided so much pleasure during my sixth form years. So it was with immense delight that, a couple of weeks later, Moon presented me with my very own copy which she had tracked down on the internet for the bargain price of 61p.

To celebrate, and because it's now Advent, I'll be providing a classic recipe from the book each day for the next 12 days*. What better way to begin, then, but with....

You weren't expecting that were you? That must be a googlewhack, right there. Aubergine Erotica! Cheese is really only a secondary ingredient there isn't it? If anyone fancies making this, please do let me know how it goes. Or even better, send me a photo and I'll put it up here.

God rest ye merry, god rest ye.

*Yes, I know that the 12 days of Christmas actually begins on Christmas Day, but it was either this or one for every day of Advent and I couldn't see myself sticking to that

Lethal Quizzle

2009-11-23T11:56:00.003Z

It seems I can't get enough of televisual humiliation - this weekend I'll be auditioning for another TV quiz show. Filming would be in January I think but let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

So far I've very little to show for my efforts, so fingers crossed that my trip to London doesn't turn into a(nother) pointless exercise.

Postcard from heaven

2009-11-20T10:44:00.004Z

I tried to buy one a lot like this last year

It's RCA Secret time once again. The cards have been on display for the last week and tomorrow it's sale time. This time last year we were planning night bus routes across London and seeing how many layers we could put on while still permitting comfortable movement. Having moved north, we won't be repeating the experience this year but had we been nearer then I'd have definitely been there again.

Think I'd lost sensation in my feet by this point. Good times!

Twelve months on and we're finally getting our cards from last year framed.

Best of luck to those attending, hope you manage to pick up what you're aiming for.

Yo, Boyle! Check this out!

2009-11-20T10:27:00.002Z

Tombola, last night:

Recipes to follow, cheese freaks!

All together now...

2009-11-20T10:23:00.004Z

...when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside a chestnut shell...

Yes, I know it is Autumn DAYS but I couldn't help humming it when waiting at Huddersfield Station last night. I half-expected to be questioned by a member of staff for use of a camera on the platform. Would have been fun explaining it.

Previous school-hymn-based blog action here whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered fans!

Something wonderful...

2009-11-19T14:13:00.002Z

...happened earlier today. I'll tell you about it soon.

There's one person in particular who visits here that will quite likely be very excited indeed....

Found: Chas & Dave's notepad!

2009-11-06T10:14:00.005Z

Found this scrap in the street a few days ago and there are loads of things that I love about it. I'd wager that the majority of football fans have at one time or another had a go at selecting their first XI, but this takes it further by also listing the manager and chairman (there tend to be few alternatives in those positions). Despite having no difficulty with 'Huddlestone' or 'Naughton' (wot, no Corluka?), they really struggled with Len...Lenn...Lennon. And the finish leaves the reader (or scrap picker-upper) in no doubt of their allegiance: 'I AM A SPURS FAN - THE MEN FROM WHITE HART LANE'.

But that's not all! Flip it upside down and it looks like somebody is in the process of being evicted. All very strange.

Unctuous Buck

2009-10-27T11:04:00.009Z

Being a big fan of Masterchef (congratulations, Steve), I've recently been inspired to give more thought to my cooking - both in terms of the meals that I already make, and also being more imaginative about flavour combinations. I thought that I'd hit upon a great idea earlier in the week - Blumenthalesque this one - crab stick yogurt!

You can imagine my disappointment then, when I discovered that the crazy boffins at Muller had got there first:

Better eat that, it's past its best before date!

Dammit! That was going to be my signature dish! You're going down like a ton of bricks!

Leeds bin strike: public opinion 'mixed'

2009-10-27T10:58:00.004Z

Beware! 'Language' ahead...

A fence in Rothwell, yesterday.

I might be wrong

2009-10-19T12:37:00.005Z

When municipal building doors look like music-based DVD covers #27:

Leeds Public Library...

....and (a bit of) Radiohead's 'Meeting people is easy'

She looked like the back end of a bus!

2009-09-17T14:50:00.001Z

"Alright team, it's time we had a new campaign. How can we promote the brand and really engage the public? Right now we're just not getting our core message across."
"I've an idea, Mr. France"
"Call me Eric"
"Ok, Eric, this might sound odd, but hear me out. How about we get an attractive lady, in her smalls like. Now, here's the good bit, she's holding some metal cables."

"Brilliant. Starbucks?"

But! As if the ad wasn't funny enough, check out the unfortunately placed bus maintenance small print:

Must have caused some fun down at the garage.

[Edit: The writing reads, 'Emergency engine stop under flap']