Thrupenny bits

This is how how some people think of London:



For me, rhyming slang should have been included in that list. One of the things I was most looking forward to when moving down here was hearing the cryptic friendly banter [what, not the sky-high rent and beer prices, crime and dirt? London Ed.]. To my disappointment, until last week I don't think I'd heard any. Admittedly, I don't think that there are any Pearly Kings working in my research unit and I need to get down the East End more to boost my chances. But anyway, one evening last week I heard some casual slang. And not only that, it was directed at me.

I'd been playing 5 a side and was walking back to the house. I only live a few minutes away from the sports centre so hadn't bothered getting changed out of my footy kit but it was a cold night so I had my coat on over the top. This meant that my fine legs were on broad display (and from the back it might have looked like I was wearing nothing under the coat. Nice image eh folks?). So I'm walking down a dark street in Brixton and there's a group of guys at the other end. Head down Willis, walk quickly by. As I approached, one of them shouts, "Here, I'd think about covering up your fackin' bacon 'n eggs mate!". How rude!