Didn't want no yam, didn't want no ham, just some good old fashioned chips

'ain't no chippys in Brixton, codfishman on strike*


It was Friday night, and I fancied fish and chips. Being new to the area, I did my homework and a quick google of 'chip shops in Brixton' provided 2 close to my home. The first, Arthur's Plaice (the classics will never die) was well within chip-cooling distance of my house. To be on the safe side, I also checked out the 2nd option, just in case Arthur's was one of those classy chippys that are so popular that they can afford to close before 7pm. And I was glad I did - this had to be a sign! 'JB's fish and chips'. Man alive....these must be the finest fish 'n' chips one could ever consume! Just imagine the juicy macronutrients packed within...... I was drooling at the thought.

So off I trot, past the scary punks & goths on their way to see Bauhaus at the Academy, and to where JB's should be, eagerly anticipating the salt n vinegar bedecked delights that await. Disaster! The sign remains, but the shop had given way to a Mexican cafe.

Fortunately, I'd noted the directions to Arthur's Plaice. So, weaving back through the punks and touts, I made my way back down Brixton Hill. Must be near it now....here we go. Nightmare! 'Closed for refurbishment' declared the window. No idea when that message was left, but the place looked long-dead to me. Anyway, now that I think about it, exactly how much refurbishment does a chippy need? Put up new posters from Pukka Pies once a year and clean out the Insect-o-cutor every couple of months and that's it surely? Whatever, Arthur's Plaice was closed and I was running out of options.

By this point it was about 9pm and I was pretty hungry. Although I had food in, I didn't fancy cooking anything and wanted a quick tea so I could do more work. 'There must be a chippy here somewhere - after all, Brixton is "rapidly gentrifying"
(>http://www.londontown.com/LondonPC/sw21az.html).
So out came the handy pocket atlas (thanks again Ak) and I set off towards Herne Hill.

Chicken shack....Somalian restaurant....Curry Delight....there are loads of takeaways in Brixton. And I mean LOADS - it's like Hyde Park on MSG. But there was absolutely no sign, anywhere, of a traditional fish and chip shop. Running out of ideas, I texted my housemate: 'Are there any decent chippys near house?'. 'Afraid not' came the reply. At approx 9.30pm, after an hour of fruitless wandering, I gave up. Turned around and headed home to see what I could produce from my cupboards.

One way of looking at the whole sorry event is that I may have located a potential business opportunity. The growing number of gentrified folk in Brixton must need somewhere to cater for their old-fashioned fish n' chip needs after all. Ladies & gentlemen, once I can find a suitable location, produce a business plan etc etc, the 'Hand of Cod' will be born.

PS
If anyone can provide a solution to my Brixton chippy deficit, please get in touch.

* Apologies to the Vibrations (I think) - Ain't no greens in Harlem