My last urine-based posting seemed to go down quite well so I thought I'd add another one.
On Friday night I'd spent an enjoyable evening with Akira, Fi and several friendly Londoners at the Club Popjustice night at Trash Palace in Soho. Several beverages were imbibed and as the night bus made it's torturously slow route back to Brixton, nature took its course and I was in increasing need of a wee.
Approximately 1 hour after I left the club, I departed the bus and headed home. My brisk walking motion made the need to micturate more pressing with every step. In the short time I've lived in these parts, I've noticed that there appears to be a pretty laissez-faire to toilet habits - within a fortnight I walked past an adolescent peeing against the wall of a shop, one Sunday afternoon. Last week I had the pleasure of witnessing a guy pissing away on the little common on the high street. This was at roughly 11am on Saturday morning.
So with these examples in mind, I did consider siphoning the python in the streets near my house. But the fear of getting mugged while distracted over-powered the biological demands of my bladder and I ploughed on home. Plus I might get arrested or something. BUT THEN! In front of me, in the middle of the pavement, was a potty! Suddenly the situation had changed and all kinds of new ideas were whizzing through my beer-addled brain: "I could wee in the potty! There's nothing wrong with that, surely? The police would turn a blind eye. And no muggers would approach me if I was sat on a potty. When did I last sit on a potty? That might actually be fun. And boy would my bladder appreciate it. It's the middle of the night, no one will know. It'll be fun. But what if I fill it and it overflows? That would make it all wrong, it might go onto my shoes or my trousers. That would make my shoes all pissy, like. I'd better head home and use a man-size toilet."
And that, readers, was probably the deciding factor. I continued past the potty, not because it would be a shameful, degrading, disgusting act of public pollution, but mainly because I was worried I might produce too much wee for it's child-sized volume to handle.
Alcohol is bad, kids. Just say no.
EDIT:
I've just realised - maybe street pottys are the place to deposit unwanted urine samples when you have missed your appointment with the doctor!
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2 comments:
Just to add...Leeds remains in pole position in my public waste disposal league table. Because there, one summer afternoon in 2003, I was stunned to see a guy openly taking a dump by a tree in Hyde Park.
Sadly I think that image is burned into my retinas for evermore.
I think I've seen the same guy. Although he wasn't bothered about the tree-view. Also witnessed something similarly nasty in Woodhouse recently.
Durham however wins. It had urinals that came out of the ground at 10.30pm at the weekends. Not the best way of dealing with their problem of "men and women urinating in the street" (I remember reading it in the local paper). Women did use the urinals, incidentally.
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