My favourite news story of the week

The British public are being given the chance to vote for their favourite wedding anniversary gift. The new survey, sponsored by Co-Op Funeral Services, aims to update the traditional list of gifts exchanged to mark wedding anniversaries. The organisers suggest that 21st century couples are more likely to exchange gifts made of Lycra or Teflon than the traditional linen, iron or coral.

The co-ordinator of the survey, Lucy Bodkins, explained, “We feel that the traditional list is outdated and doesn’t reflect the nature or personality of modern British couples. Although some people still like to give and receive items of silver and gold, the days of exchanging gifts made of willow or ivory are long gone. Today, we place more value on items such as decking or alcopops.” A spokesperson for the sponsors continued, “Co-Op Funeral Services is proud and excited to be associated with this survey. This is going to be an extremely exciting exercise and will really capture the imagination of the British people.”

If the bookmakers are to be believed, the traditional place of platinum as Britain’s best anniversary gift could be under threat: “Although there is still a lot of backing for the precious metals, we’ve recently seen a lot of support for items such as mp3s or Botox,” explained Bob Micklethwaite from Ladbrokes. “But it’s the lower reaches of the list that are likely to display the most change: bubble wrap, Velcro and couscous have all seen a flurry of bets in recent weeks.

But this does not phase Sir Charles Wymer, CEO of British Platinum. Sir Charles joked: “Platinum has always been considered the pinnacle, or, if you will, plateau of achievement, whether it be years of marriage, record sales, or credit cards. Trends may come and go, but platinum will remain and I fully expect it to retain its position at the top”.

The results of the poll will be broadcast in a live television special on Easter Monday. Hosts Anne Robinson and Elton Welsby will count down the new list, revealing to the nation what should be given to celebrate up to 70 years of marriage. They will be joined by a host of celebrities, including Michael Barrymore and Anthea Turner, who will reveal some hilarious and heart-warming stories about their own wedding anniversary experiences. The public are being asked to vote online. Voting forms can also be found at all branches of Ethel Austin.